When An Erotomaniac's Cyber Stalking Becomes Real Stalking. How To Deal With A Stalker.
By: Akapa Supay
Owner of Supaycha Films and Blogger from New York City.
Erotomania is delusional belief that another person is in love with them despite clear evidence against it. The object of the person’s delusion of love is often a celebrity or a person of a higher social status. This social status does not necessarily have to be a celebrity or politician, but it is also applicable to influencers or anyone popular. People with erotomania may also develop fixations on random strangers and acquaintances. In much simpler terms, their delusions cause them to stalk and harass the victim and their acquaintances, in order to get closer to their inner circle. Erotomania sometimes can lead to the death of either the victim or the predator according to heathline.com. It also can be the cause of the arrest for the Erotomaniac.
Obsessive thinking about a love interest who is a celebrity, person of power, and/or a stranger
Obsessively seeking information or media content about the love interest
Attempting to communicate with or send gifts to the love interest
Following, harassing, or otherwise stalking the love interest
Believing the love interest is sending messages, possibly secret or encoded, to express their affection, even when no direct communication is present
Losing motivation for activities other than pursuing the love interest
A “psychotic break” or psychotic episode that includes high energy, sleeplessness, pressured speech, racing thoughts, and/or delusional thinking of subcategories besides erotomania
“In psychological terms, certain cases of erotomania might be underpinned by combinations of longing, disappointment, shame and narcissism in specific social contexts. ”
One of the more interesting combinations I’ve spotted is the Narcissism aspect along with Erotomania. Before I go through why this combination is interesting to me personally, I will go through the steps on what Narcissism is; along with it’s symptoms.
Overt Narcissism
Overt narcissism is the “classic” and most obvious form of NPD.
Someone with overt narcissism is excessively preoccupied with how others see them. They're often overly focused on status, wealth, flattery, and power due to their grandiosity and sense of entitlement.
Overt narcissists may be high-achieving and deeply sensitive to criticism, no matter how slight.
Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism, also known as closet narcissism or vulnerable narcissism, is not as obvious as overt narcissism.
Like other people with NPD, someone with covert narcissism has an inflated sense of self-importance and craves admiration from others. However, someone living with covert narcissism may display more subtle and passive negative behaviors.
For example, rather than bragging about themselves or demanding respect, they may engage in blaming, shaming, manipulation, or emotional neglect to get what they want and keep the focus on themselves. They also may see themselves as a victim.
Antagonistic Narcissism
Antagonistic narcissism is defined by a sense of competitiveness, arrogance, and rivalry. While all people with narcissistic traits can be overly concerned with how they appear to others, antagonistic narcissists are particularly concerned with coming out “on top."
Someone with antagonistic narcissism may try to exploit others to get ahead. They may put others down or start arguments in an attempt to gain the upper hand or appear dominant.
Communal Narcissism
Like someone living with covert narcissism, someone with communal narcissism may not appear to be ego-driven at all.
At first, they can come across as selfless or even as a martyr. However, their internal motivation is to earn praise and admiration, not help others.
To that end, people with communal narcissism place themselves at the forefront of social causes or communities, usually as the leader or the face of a movement. People with communal narcissism see themselves as more empathetic, caring, or selfless than others and often display moral outrage.
Malignant Narcissism
Malignant narcissism is often seen as the most severe or potentially abusive form of NPD.
Someone with malignant narcissism has the same egocentric self-absorption and sense of superiority as people with other narcissistic behaviors, but they also have traits associated with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), such as aggression, paranoia, and a lack of empathy. They may even have a sadistic streak.
The Story Of My Families Stalker
As you can see both illnesses can be very intense especially when you combine a stalker with NPD. The reason this combination stood out to me, is it actually is relevant to me and my families current situation, of dealing with our stalker. It all started during my wife’s tragic accident back in January of 2022. During this time in our relationship, we were not married, but we were together. During the accident I was contacted by someone who broke the news to me. My wife ended up in ICU as well as lost our step son at the time of the accident, as well as being left in a coma for a few days. It was a very a hard, emotional, and traumatic time for me and her family. She eventually woke up from her coma, where I later flew out to Canada to become her care taker. Around that time I was a Security Supervisor, however I had left my job about 3 weeks before the accident. In New York City its normal to have more than one Job. Even before Security I was a Personal Trainer and Boxing coach for many years while Co-Owning a photography studio at the same time. So when the pandemic hit I wanted to make sure I was good while the fitness industry died, so I switched into security. Me leaving, seemed like the timing was meant to be the way it was. Initially before the accident I was supposed to visit my wife and step son in March, but I ended up going earlier; not in any of the conditions that I expected.
I later arrive to Mi’kmaki (New Brunswick) and stayed in Moncton where I would be closer to the hospital to take care of my wife at the time. My routine every day for the next 3 months was wake up, go to the hospital , and come back to my hotel. I never took a day off to not see her. Through out this time of her in the hospital, one day we were scrolling facebook. I had noticed comments under her photo by an account named “Urban Divers”. Through out this story you must understand this person goes by several aliases such as Urban Divers, Tilou Lil Wolf, Akawara, but his legitmate name is Ludger Kennedy Balan. This account did not ring any bells to me yet. However, I noticed he would leave obsessive and lengthy comments under my partners pictures, and she would never engage with them. Comments, that seemed pretty abnormal. I brought it to her attention that he was creepily obsessed with her, so she decided to block him. So she decides to block him first on Facebook, However he was also following her through multiple accounts and on instagram. So one day when she realizes there are multiple accounts and on different platforms; she begins to block those accounts (or what she thought was the rest of them). One account disturbingly only followed her, and was even made FOR her.
Now taking a step back earlier that year on October on her Birthday, someone had randomly sent her a package , and he sent one to the band office. It was me and someone else, and she did not know anyone else in NYC other than me. As you continue to read, I will highlight in red which are symptoms of Narcissism and Erotomania. We eventually found out it was the Stalker sending her gifts, however this is not yet where he began stalking. After being blocked he then chose to E-Mail her confessing his “undying love” for her. She then blocks his E- Mail, and as any partner would do I found his account and told him to essentially back off. I was cordial because this person has not been rude to me yet, and it wasn’t yet here where we began to realize he was cyber stalking my wife. So now, this man was blocked on social media and blocked through E-Mail. Months go by, and he begins to contact my wife AGAIN. My wife was fund raising for an elder who lost their house in a fire, and this man took it upon himself to email her through the gofund me. Yet again at this point the person is aware my wife does not want him to contact her. In this E-mail , we encounter things a little more disturbing. He states he has planned to come to Canada on her behalf and in the E-mail he makes it sound like the interest is reciprocated. Still at this point my wife and I were on alert, but we did not think much of it. I told her we will worry about him, if he actually does come here looking for you.
Long behold, Ludger Kennedy Balan did decide to cross boundaries and came to Mi’kmaki looking for my wife. The night before I found he was here in Mi’maki, I had a vision of someone arriving. My ancestors were trying to warn me. The next day, Someone in my community alerted me that this man arrived to Mi’kamki. When I looked through his instagram profile I noticed he attempted to go to areas my wife and I either had pictures in or visited. As I began to investigate his profile, I notice really far back that he would subliminally make posts directed at my wife or my deceased step son. One of the most disturbing things I witnessed was him pretending to be hurt by my step sons death for my step son never knew him. He did not know me nor my family. Later as he decided to break more boundaries he then decided to not only seek for my wife on her reservation, but also desecrated my sons grave by not only trespassing but leaving bad medicine on his grave.
He was not welcomed on the reservation nor was given permission to visit his grave. I later that day left with my family to hold ceremony and get rid of what was left by the stalker. Our families PTSD from this event was in fact triggered where we then were able to get a statement passed on the reservation for if he returned, he would get arrested on sight. A public statement was out in which banned him from ever returning to my wifes reservation. After we alerted my wifes Nation community members began to do what a community does for its people, they began to protect us. Community members began to take it upon themselves to watch our stalkers locations, in fear that he may try to harm our family. At first we didn’t have enough evidence to work with the RCMP, but once the reservation passed a public statement ; we had a case. Since the entire situation, we have worked diligently with the RCMP through out this active case (yes its on going).
When did the situation escalate?
When he came to Mi’kmaki
Went on the reservation looking for my family
He tried to get a job close by where he thought we lived
Went to my sons grave
When Ludger realized the RCMP were getting involved, he began to try and keep distance. He decided to drive somewhere 2 hours a way because his intentions and locations got exposed. Once he realized the seriousness of the situation, he began keeping distance. Community members were commenting his instagram telling him to go back him, he then started calling multiple people “stalkers” (classic projection). He also would disguise his stalking as a “quest for love”. Through out this time, I personally was collecting evidence and investing. When he realized he had to keep distance, he began targeting me. Through out this time my wife and I had paid little to no attention to him, however whenever he did something extreme, people would contact us. So, as he began targeting me; he started to defame my character.
“A narcissist will spread lies or create embellishments about their victim in order to destroy the individual’s reputation. This is a common behavior for those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) when they realize they have lost control over this other person.”
Things He Did As He Lost Control
Messaged people telling them I raped my wife (Many believe he keeps projecting his true intentions with my wife. We believe this due to he always says his interest in my wife is purely spiritual and connection based, but he has in fact made sexual remarks about my wife DM’ing people; which shows he has hidden motives and only fetishizes my wife)
Claims that I manipulate my wife which is why she does not contact him. (We found out he stalked my wife years before that through social media, and she still did not acknowledge him).
He claims I began to be with my wife after money was fund raised for her and after the accident to seem like a martyr (However everyone knew I was with her prior, let alone used and had my own money).
We later found out before I came to Canada, that he was attempting to affect her life. He began trying to spread rumors to my wifes friends and family that I wasn’t a good person which caused a lot of complication and stress for everyone due to the unnecessary drama.
Part of him losing control even before the accident because he realized I was arriving. He was spreading rumors saying I was going for “opportunity”. I am from New York City if you compare where I am from vs Mi’kmaki ; you would know there was no opportunity here for me. I am completely an artist, and the art world here hardly exists let alone they have job shortages here.
He made up a rumor claiming I was jobless, never worked ever in my life, was homeless, etc. And later I found a gofund me for $17,000 of him begging people for money to stalk my wife, which I have proof of him admitting. In the gofund me it even mentioned it was to make sure he wasn’t homeless. He even came to Canada looking for a job which indicated he was jobless. So he did this very classic reverse projection that narcissists do. He even started to claim I was the narcissist. Although I am aware of his tactics, and nobody in my wifes commuity nor mine believe him. I have the right to tell my story especially on my blog, so I will continue to do so.
“ A gaslighter/narcissist’s goal is to make you question your own reality and keep you off kilter. By accusing you of the very thing he is doing, the gaslighter/narcissist makes you frantically try to defend your innocence.”
What We Found Out Investigating
At one point early on a woman Ludger harassed FOUND ME. She searched everywhere for me on social media after he had apparently spoken about me and my wife obsessively. We exchanged numbers, hopped on a phone call where she told me Ludgers experience and why she contacted me. She alerted me essentially telling me he would obsessively talk about me and my wife but when she’d ask questions she felt something was weird when he couldnt answer them. he would make claims that he dated my wife for “5 years”. She told me he would host a ceremony while he mentioned my name and went on long rants about me for almost 2 hours. She, as someone who has been to ceremony before realized this was unusual behavior.
She along several people this man has harassed in my own community stepped forward, once I made the situation public. Investigating the situation, I needed proof and facts which I later added to my file. These people who stepped forward strengthened my case, where I showed the RCMP who showed this to the crown as evidence.
He tries to use him emailing my mother in law during the accident as means as if hes close to my in laws. The reality is many people all over Mi’kmaki were emailing my mother in law. At one point My Mother In Law stopped responding to him because she felt he was off. He even preyed on my mother in law to get her address in order to have a location where to look for my wife. He disguised his interest in mailing something, but to just obtain a location.
We realized he was stalking her for 5 years and the woman who initially found me showed me he saved pictures and would pretend my wife would send him pictures. They all ended up being pictures from my wifes public instagram. He even started saving pictures of my daughter. He would take things she said either tagging me or directed to me and he would automatically say my wife was subliminally sending him messages.
While being in contact with people who had spoken to him apparently he was telling people that I copied his career, his persona, and that the only reason my wife is with me is because shes in love with his personality and not mine. He makes outlandish claims such as he is a videographer and photographer which is content is proof that he’s not. It shows he exaggerates and is delusional.
Apparently he “hates me” yet I never spoken to him prior. Again this came from a source that reached out to me that had spent time with Ludger . Her experience with him was he would try to manipulate her trying to sexually harass her as she was on the road with him once. He began to call himself a medicine man called a behike, and he would use this title to try and manipulate women. While they were on the road he also knew her boyfriend. However, at one point Ludger began to tell her not to bring him around due to he didnt like his “energy”. The reality was he wanted to continue being inappropriate to the victim, while making her vulnerable; removing her boyfriend who would obviously protect her from him. He was preying on her while knowing that his “Status” as a medicine man would cause the victim to be careful of how they treat him. Not to mention again she was on the road with him, which also gave him leverage. Had she retaliated, he could easily leave them stranded. He knew his advantage and tried to manipulate her.
As other women stepped forward, they showed me convos and spoke on experiences where he would love bomb them even when they never spoken. So, clearly he has had a history of doing this.
Who is Ludger Kennedy Balan?
Ludger is a man from New York City who claims to be Taino (Indigenous) from Dominican Republic, but is actually is a self hating anti- black hatian. He also lives the mobile van life which is technically considered being homeless. It is very common for someone Dominican to actually be hatian, as well as be anti black. As someone delusional, it has became convenient for him to portray to be Native especially a tribe from the Caribbean with a complex history. He tends to exaggerate his upbringing to seem more indigenous, which I know is not true for the fact I am Quechua and Taino. I am very well versed on both Quechua & Taino history, identity, and culture.
“Haitians, who together represent a substantial minority of up to a million people, form a distinct cultural and linguistic group within the Dominican Republic. Although many Dominicans have Haitian ancestors and connections, anti-Haitian xenophobia is rife.”
“Trujillo feared the “darkening” of Dominican people and publicly promoted anti-Haitian sentiments.”
After Trujillo (DR’s dictator who was the cause for anti blackness) there was so much anti blackness Dominicans identified as indigenous solely because they did not want to be associated with blackness. Later on in their census they became Light or Dark “Indians”. Are there Indigenous people in Dominican Republic? Yes, but there is not many. Puerto Rico tends to have the most indigenous people out of the islands and even then there’s not many. There are many who self proclaim to be Taino the same way white people self proclaim to be cherokee, with zero proof. One of the major red flags for our stalker was he was caught doing african american re-enactments of the civil war. This indicated he likes to play “characters” because black dominicans do not have the same history as black americans. While investigating we got a sense he likes to be a part of “groups”. He was a part of an urban diver community, civial war re-enactment community, and now he attempted to play “NDN”. or Taino. Through out his attempt to defame my character, he began to try and justify his indigeneity with being born in DR (which was a lie because community members found out he was born in Port-Au-Prince Haiti, through public records). Either way, his tactics were classic pretendian tactics.
How To Spot A Pretendian
They are not nor ever identified as Native
Have no connection to any tribe or community
Infiltrate indigenous spaces and speak on behalf of indigenous people in order to feel self important
Sometimes prey on actual indigenous people while self proclaiming high status’ such as being an elder, medicine carrier, chief, etc.
Will use where they are born as an excuse to say they are Native
Will use the fact they either know other indigenous people as a way to validate their indigeneity
Will go by one ancestor to claim to be Native or indigenous
Practices pan Indianism
Ludger will make claims such as wearing a headdress, being around native people, being a medicine man, all make him indigenous with zero proof. However, as a Taino I know that being Taino is very regional on the islands. Not only is it regional, but what was left before revitalization was Taino creole. So Ludger will use things such as wearing a headdress and speaking “Taino” as a way to validate his indigeneity but as Taino, we only revived our language two years ago. Taino in the restoration movement revived headdress making in the 80’s-90’s. This means, this does not prove indigeneity in the Caribbean. Him claiming to be born in DR (even though he’s really from Haiti) does not prove he is Taino. Documents, family, and the region he would be from on the island would dictate this. In actuality, the fact he has not had a history identifying as Indigenous prior pretty much shows he was never Indigenous, and its just another persona he created.
KKKolonizer (Pretendian Anthem) by Akapa Supay
“The Taino maternal DNA is prominent in the ex-Spanish colonies (61.3%-22.0%) while it is basically non-existent in the ex-French and ex-English colonies of Haiti (0.0%) and Jamaica (0.5%), respectively. The most abundant Native American mtDNA haplogroups in the Greater Antilles are A2, B2 and C1.”
With that being said the NPD and Erotomaniac combination can be very interesting as its completely chaotic. Not only will the person stalk someone, but will try to reach great lengths into defaming the partners character due to the fact they will not be able to handle rejection. Again, erotomaniacs and people with NPD can be dangerous because they don’t care who they can hurt while being delusional. Our stalker has even made insinuations on “hurting” or “killing” me; along with trying to seperate me from my child by creating rumors such as him thinking im illegal in Canada. What he doesn’t know is im not here illegally, but even if I was he was willing to go through lengths to contact the boarder to seperate me from my family. He has also made other threats to trying to contact abuse centers about me. My wife , her family, and community have came out multiple times in order to disprove him and the defamation he has been spreading of my character.
How To Deal With A Stalker?
I would say have no contact with them, however we had no actual contact with ours yet they were severely persistent and still harass us. You can go for an order of protection, but they would have to break it in order to be charged. Professionals say to Ignore the erotomaniac. Do not communicate with him or even acknowledge his existence. The erotomaniac clutches at straws and often suffers from ideas of reference. He tends to blow out of proportion every comment or gesture of his "loved one". Lastly, let the cops handle it, but if they are cyber stalking you create a file as evidence for the police. Do not approach or speak to the erotomaniac. If someone is physically stalking you be sure to make sure you break any routines that you have, so that they do not observe you. Be sure to tell the police so that there is a case started , for if you need to defend yourself you may do so. The most exhausting is being on high alert, for this person may or may not be violent towards you. Be sure to always leave trails tell loved ones your situation and where and when you are going somewhere.
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